


shinji's holiday story

by shinjiikari0



Series: shinji's stories [5]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Christmas, Crack, Gen, Holidays, OOC, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 09:08:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5534177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinjiikari0/pseuds/shinjiikari0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinji prepares to celebrate the holidays with his friends by putting up festive decorations and baking gingerbread monster cookies.</p><p>(contains: intentional ooc)</p>
            </blockquote>





	shinji's holiday story

　　"Happy Holidays, everyone!"  
　　No... That doesn't sound quite right...  
　　"Ho ho ho! Have a jolly holiday season!"  
　　Hm... We're not quite there yet, either...  
　　"Good evening, Shinji."  
　　WHO IS THAT?! WHERE'S THE PHONE?! I THOUGHT THE FRONT DOOR WAS LOCKED WHAT THE FU—

**there are probably, like, less than ten people who are still alive that know your name.**

　　Oh. Actually, that's right. Unfortunately.  
　　I turn around abruptly and find that the voice was coming from none other than Kaworu.  
　　"Ah... Hello, Kaworu," I say, clutching my chest. I'm pretty sure that greeting he gave me took several years off my life.  
　　"Have you finished preparing for the holiday party tonight?" he asks. "I would love to help out if you still have things to complete."  
　　"Oh, uh, thanks. I'm nearly done. I thought I'd take a break to practice my festive, holiday-themed greeting that I'm going to use at the door when the guests show up. I just have some last-minute knickknacks and things to put up and some snacks to bake, if you can help me with either of those tasks."  
　　"Oh, I think I can help you with a lot more than just that," he whispers as he takes the box of assorted decorations out of my arms and strolls away.  
　　Wait. What did he say? What just happened?

**i think he's trying to offer you a present, shinji.**

　　What, like a Christmas present? I already have one from him under the tree.

**i somehow don't think that it's going to be a gift that you can actually possess physically.**

　　Huh? What do you mean? Like I said, I already have a gift from Kaworu under the Christmas tree.

**he's trying to get in your pan—**

　　OKAY THANKS FOR THE COMMENTARY BUT I THINK WE'VE HAD ENOUGH FOR NOW.  
　　Anyway. While Kaworu is getting the final decorations up, and the others are still out of the house, I suppose I should get to work with those gingerbread cookies.  
　　Instead of gingerbread people, I decide to bake gingerbread monsters. The name sounds way cooler than "gingerbread people", and it won't matter too much if I mess up since it can pass as a blob creature.

**do you know how to use the oven? or even how to bake in the first place?**

　　It's okay. I've got this. I'm practically a trained professional, you know. In grade school, before the whole world was in peril but after my dad left me for dead, my classmates would get th—  
　　"Shinji! May you come here for a moment?" Kaworu's voice echoes from far down a hallway. "I am in need of some assistance. Bring a stepladder, please!"  
　　That Kaworu. Always needing a stepladder.

**... "always needing a stepladder"?**

　　Anyway. I haven't progressed very much in preparing the ingredients for the monster cookies so I decide to go see what has happened. I head towards the front door, where Kaworu's voice was resonating from, making sure to bring along that stepladder he requested for.  
　　When I reach the front hall, Asuka and Rei are standing there with Kaworu. I didn't expect them to return so quickly, and I didn't even hear them come in.  
　　"Ah, Shinji," Kaworu says as I approach them. "I apologize for asking you for help when I am the one who is supposed to be helping out."  
　　"It's no problem. I don't really mind," I respond. "So, what did you need this for?"  
　　"Asuka said that this little plant is supposed to be hung from the ceiling."  
　　He holds up what appears to be a small bundle of bright-green leaves tied together with a red ribbon.  
　　Oh. Oh no. No no no no no.

**what's wrong, shinji?**

　　That plant!

**... what's wrong with the plant?**

　　It's _mistletoe_! Where did he find that?! I swear that I threw it out last year after the _incident_!

**well, you obviously didn't because he's holding it right now.**

　　I can see that! Why does he have it?!  
　　Somehow, I get the feeling that someone is staring directly at me. I turn my head and glance over at Rei and Asuka still standing in front of the door.  
　　Ack! They're glaring right at me! Was this their doing?!  
　　"Um, Shinji?" Kaworu interjects. "May you please pass the ladder now?"  
　　Oh no oh no oh no oh no. Oh. No.

**why are you feeling so nervous?**

　　Don't you see what their plan is?! They want Kaworu to put it up, then get me caught under it with him! They're trying to set me up!

**okay... isn't that a good thing?**

　　No! Well, yes, but not under _these_ circumstances!  
　　I place the ladder down for him and he starts climbing up. He sticks _that plant_ on the ceiling just in front of the door.  
　　"There we go. All of the decorations have been put up around the house now," he declares as he slinks back down the short ladder.  
　　I let out an exhausted sigh. "Thanks for the help. Most of it, anyway."  
　　I pick up the stepladder and turn around to return to the kitchen, but Asuka stops me by standing in the way.  
　　"Trying to escape, huh?" she demands somewhat aggressively. Though, I suppose that's normal if it's coming from Asuka.  
　　"What... What are you talking about?" I ask. "What am I escaping from? My cookie-baking responsibilities by continuing to stand here?"  
　　She presses her face to her hand and lets out what sounds like a frustrated groan. Then, she jabs her finger in the air to point above my head.  
　　... Above my head?  
　　Oh no. Oh no no no no.  
　　I look up at where Asuka is pointing and I see _that plant_. The mistletoe Kaworu had just finished attaching to the ceiling.  
　　Before I can process what's happening, I feel something contact my gut. Hard. I fall back, the impact sending me completely backwards, and nearly black out on the spot.  
　　As I lose consciousness, I hear the voices of my friends surrounding me and the bits of their conversation seem to drift all around me.  
　　"What the hell, Kaworu?! You were supposed to kiss him, not sucker-punch him in the stomach!"  
　　"Was that what I was supposed to do? Oops."  
　　"What do you mean, "oops"?! What did you think you had to do?!"  
　　"I was under the impression that this little green thing—a "mistletoe" plant, I believe—was supposed to be a signal for our fight to start. That is why I used all of my strength to punch him."  
　　"Welp. If it was Kaworu's full strength, then it's official: Shinji's probably dead."  
　　"What a Christmas miracle that would be, huh?"

**your friends are so thoughtful, shinji.**

　　To be quite honest, I've never really noticed before.  
　　I think about the unmade gingerbread monster cookies in the kitchen and question my life choices for the umpteenth time before I finally lose consciousness.

**Author's Note:**

> my family doesn't really celebrate any holidays during this time of year, but whatever you may celebrate, hope you have a great time! happy holidays!
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
